take me home.

im tired of making polite conversation and laughing even when i dont find things funny.

im tired of not being the person i was, the person i am, the person im too scared to be.

fake plastic me is hard to mantain.

take me fucking home.

we did the best we could.

Right.

So like, I leave for college tomorrow.

I wont really have access to internet till I get my own laptop which is not anytime soon, so I guess blogging is kind of out of the question- though the need to blog is long gone these days.

I wish I had something to beautiful to say, you know, a tribute to Karachi, a tribute to the people who have made it home, atleast a little goodbye note, something. But no, the thoughts are all there but they arnt forming words in my head. Sure, im sad and im blah and im depressed, but mostly im just restless. I dont know what to do and how to react. This is all so new and unfamiliar- and hell it hasnt even started yet.

This should be interesting.

The goodbyes tomorrow are going to be worth seeing.

If I cry im seriously going to kill someone.

God, I really have nothing to say.

Goodbye then.

we did the best we could.

Right.

So like, I leave for college tomorrow.

I wont really have access to internet till I get my own laptop which is not anytime soon, so I guess blogging is kind of out of the question- though the need to blog is long gone these days.

I wish I had something to beautiful to say, you know, a tribute to Karachi, a tribute to the people who have made it home, atleast a little goodbye note, something. But no, the thoughts are all there but they arnt forming words in my head. Sure, im sad and im blah and im depressed, but mostly im just restless. I dont know what to do and how to react. This is all so new and unfamiliar- and hell it hasnt even started yet.

This should be interesting.

The goodbyes tomorrow are going to be worth seeing.

If I cry im seriously going to kill someone.

God, I really have nothing to say.

Goodbye then.

Heh.

‘It’s as if I’ve taken love heroin, and I can’t ever have it again.

Ive opened Pandora’s Box and there’s trouble inside.’

‘Yeah.. Tricky. Tricky.

I knew a girl at school called Pandora-

-never got to see her box though.’



Lets do this thing.

silly me.

And here I thought that bloggers were the most non-judgemental people you could ever meet.

Does the fact that I dont believe in god/drink alcohol make me a bad person?

Seems like it.

I need somewhere new to vent.

old school

So, the writers block continues. This was written over a year ago, I don’t know why I never blogged it, probably because its incomplete. Why am I posting it now? I don’t know, but what does it matter. I guess it deserves its moment too.

Orange walls lit in circles with yellow candles. Cold air breaks white light, till only a few remain. With every low hiss, we are plunged in a slightly darker tone of gray; one by one we drift deeper. I sit, cross legged; tattered and frayed jeans lay lightly on white sofa. My hair flows down my back making waves and small constellations- who could be bothered to blow dry and straighten for this lot. My shirt clings to nothing, excess material covers me and I feel free to stretch without exposing myself. My eyes are circled in dark brown, the rest of my face is pure, no make up, no need to hide any marks- you can see everything when you talk to me. My eyes shine, I’m listening and you know it, I laugh at all the correct moments and my mouth forms a perfect round when I’m shocked by your concluding statement.

For you id bleed myself dry
For you id bleed myself dry

The food is getting cold, the clock strikes a time later than my curfew- but it doesn’t matter, when we’re together its like everything freezes somewhere between nonsense and rationale, and all of a sudden emotion and consequence meet between shards of silver and moon white space. You toss your head back and your hair is free for a minute, and I exercise every iota of self control to stop myself from smoothing it back into place. I hide behind a cynical comment mixed with a heavy dose of sarcasm and you pause in your story telling to just look at me for a moment. I don’t know what your thinking, but I can only guess that it’s in the positive- your eyes give you away. For a split second you’re naked in front of me and I see through your well applied layers of macho-ness and charm.

You don’t how lovely you are. Perfect really, every devilish grin and slow blink has me hooked. Im looking at you from a distance, both of us involved in our own fake conversation, me being slightly bored you being close to killing yourself. The music starts, I get dragged unto the dance floor against my will, I move because the music demands it, not because I want to. Up down, move left move right, it’s so robotic. More people join us, your there amongst the crowd, visually pleasing, mentally so far gone that the flashes of red and blue light have you possessed. We move, doing our own two steps in our own little square box, our poor dance partners oblivious. The song changes, I stop to tie up my hair, I feel you from behind.

Turn, maintain balance, smile.

‘It’s our song’

‘Really, I hadn’t realized.’


And with that, it began. And with that, I fell.

contentment.

finally.

-

Don't waste your time on me your'e already the voice inside my head.
Don't waste your time on me your'e already the voice inside my head.
Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head.
Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head.
Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head.
Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head.
Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head.
Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head.
Don't waste your time on me you're alerady the voice inside my head.
Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head.
Don't waste your time on my you're already the voice inside my head.

Isn't there a sentence that comes between everytime he sings this line?

There sure was.

What was it again?

I remember

Oh yeah.

'I miss you.'

this is not a post.

Washed out at eighteen. Brilliant.

My sleep schedule will eternally be fucked. I can only sleep for 3 hours at a stretch, and am always awake at exactly 5-32 in the morning- no matter what I do.

Oh, Happy Birthday to the Dadi. May you grow even older than you already are. There better be a nice farewell gift in the making for me. I must say, for an elderly person, you're pretty decent looking. Perhaps I can stop cringing when people tell me I look like my grandmother.

This is me. Sleepy at two in the afternoon, an official facebook slut, missing two teeth (fuck you mr dentist man for taking out my wisdoms) and in need of some serious fun/valium.

Ho hum.

I dont want to blog anymore. Yes, this is me throwing a tantrum. The other blog is temporarily shut. So is this one.

Bah.

(oh and, I think I need to go to college with a big board saying 'no i dont want to blow you up' written on it.)

dude

Ive like, run out of words.

Scary.

nostalgia

this is what you do when you cant sleep.
blog about school.


home, always. 

Well, I love the rain the most when it stops
We can see the big white houses, yeah, and the docks
And we can jump in the river, don't know if the water or sky is clearer
But I know that I love the rain the most
When it stops
Yeah, when it stops

Rain makes the people of Karachi emotional. I don’t know what it is about drops falling from the sky, but it has the weirdest of effects on us. The whole world treats rain like a bad thing, or at least an ordinary thing, but we look forward to it, and hope and hope that the idiots at Ptv finally manage on being right when they predict thunderstorms and lightning. Everything’s flooded, I hear the underpass was actually quite a sight to see, getting from A to B has never been harder, you can’t really do much except for sit indoors and watch it pour outside.

But once we stop getting emotional about the rain, we tend to get emotional about everything else. Screw valentines day and birthdays and 14th august. You want to see people be emotional in Karachi?

Come in the monsoon.

No more grey today, we gonna celebrate
You know Miss Sunshine,
She starts to paint a perfect picture of this river parade
And I know that I love the rain the most when it stops
Yeah, when it stops

And so it continues, everyday, more flooding and more inconvenience. Perhaps, if I was another person or in another place, I would complain, but I don’t have the heart to. Because its my last summer here as a permanent resident of this city, and soon ill be a visitor and perhaps my home will be elsewhere. And so, you just have to appreciate it, you have to smile.

And, trust me, its not hard.


Well, the dark waves, they start singing together
I can't believe this change in the weather
I start to hum a child's rhyme
And all these boats, they start rocking in time
And I love the rain the most when it stops
Yes, we love the rain the most when it stops
Yeah when it stops

All it takes is a drive down to sea view with the rain pelting on your window for the cheesy grin to make a come back. Open the windows, let your hands hit the cold air and feel the droplets fall on your fingers.

Sit next to your balcony with green tea and good music and watch the window fog up while the sun sets. Its almost like the sun takes longer to set when it rains, the unrelenting heat giving up too early and the last bits of pinkness just lingering for a while longer. Breathe in the air, the humid heavy air, the air that promises a newness that is unparalleled, a change that you aren’t ready for but you want all the same.

The summer is coming to an end
We ain't gonna let that slow us down one bit
Til that sunset will start to fade
They're gonna drag us screaming from these old riverbanks

Whisper the ‘i-love-yous’ and mean them, have the most honest conversations you’ve ever had, link your arms in someone else’s and sing old boy band tunes just for the hell of it. Go ahead, go and be nice with no ulterior motives, go give bear hugs to people who don’t deserve it, go forgive people that you had vowed to hate forever. Dance in the shower, talk to yourself when no ones around, cry silent tears in the middle of the night. Be happy, be sad, be whatever you want to be-

-today’s your day to throw off the hard persona and just be normal for a while.

We love the rain the most when it stops
We love the rain the most when it stops
Yeah, when it stops
Yeah, when it stops
Yeah, when it stops
When it stops, when it stops, when it stops...
Yeah, when it stops


It’s raining love, you can get away with it.