Im done.
Goodbye.
Oh, and to answer the question that lurks around at the top of my page-
No, absolutely nothing is sacred anymore- not my santiy, neither my self respect.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Things i noticed today-
‘Herbal’ toothpaste is just wrong. Toothpaste should always be mint. What the hell is this lemon and herb nonsense? For gods sakes who wants their teeth to smell of LEMON?
Afternoon naps, are gods gift to the sleep deprived and lazy.
Waking up from afternoon naps, with your hair in one big tangle, clothes crumpled, and eyeliner smudged, is probably the worst documented feeling ever. (They also don’t count as naps if you’ve been out cold for a good 3 hours.)
Last minute studying, is utterly and completely useless. Nothing makes sense, even if you’ve get the best Eco teacher in school (who happens also to be the hottest one, she’s a woman but eye candy is eye candy after all). Perhaps, if I was bisexual, I would pay more attention.
Bad songs, have a way of finding their way into your brain and setting up camp in there. Case in point- Don’t Cha by Pussycat something. Probably one of the most annoying songs ever written, but there I was in school doing jhatkas and matkas to it in my head. The best remedy, is to download it, listen to it about 10-15 times, and it seems to be satiated and wont harass you for a while.
Guys are easier to get along with than girls. They are simpler, basic human beings. (they often make minimal sense though)
Cat fights are BLOODY fun to watch.
Take out your claws ladies. Ill go get the popcorn.
Afternoon naps, are gods gift to the sleep deprived and lazy.
Waking up from afternoon naps, with your hair in one big tangle, clothes crumpled, and eyeliner smudged, is probably the worst documented feeling ever. (They also don’t count as naps if you’ve been out cold for a good 3 hours.)
Last minute studying, is utterly and completely useless. Nothing makes sense, even if you’ve get the best Eco teacher in school (who happens also to be the hottest one, she’s a woman but eye candy is eye candy after all). Perhaps, if I was bisexual, I would pay more attention.
Bad songs, have a way of finding their way into your brain and setting up camp in there. Case in point- Don’t Cha by Pussycat something. Probably one of the most annoying songs ever written, but there I was in school doing jhatkas and matkas to it in my head. The best remedy, is to download it, listen to it about 10-15 times, and it seems to be satiated and wont harass you for a while.
Guys are easier to get along with than girls. They are simpler, basic human beings. (they often make minimal sense though)
Cat fights are BLOODY fun to watch.
Take out your claws ladies. Ill go get the popcorn.
Friday, September 23, 2005
tagorama
Its funny, everyone seems to be complaining about being tagged. I really don’t see the big deal (and was actually quite blah about being non-tagged for so long- I felt like a blog looser) as most of the times these blogs are merely ways for people to talk about themselves incessantly without coming across as a narcissist or an egoist.
Why?
Well because everyone does it.
No one really tells you to shut the hell up on blogger :D
Ok now back to the questions-
5 years ago-
I was well, all of 12. Weird thing is, I have absolutely no idea what I was doing back then. Through old diary entries it seems I was going through my first ever crush, my first ever fight and my first ever makeup. It was a year of firsts I guess. Plus, it was before the bitterness and disillusionment had set in. I believed in things and people- oh and I think I believed in myself too.
1 year ago-
Ah ok at least I remember this time. I was ‘growing up’ faster than I should have been due to some stuff happening in the family sphere. Life changed dramatically, and I changed in order to adapt to it. Plus I had absolutely no idea what blogger was so life couldn’t have been that great either way :p
5 songs I know all the words to-
Wish you were here- Pink Floyd
Precious Illusions- Alanis Morisette
Warning Sign- Coldplay
Drops of Jupiter- Train
The blowers daughter- Damien Rice
Knocking on heavens door-Any bloody version
Oh and, I also know every Spice Girl and Backstreet Boy song by heart. It was the in thing back in 1999 ok. (I cant believe I just admitted that)
5 snacks-
Ginger Beer (yes I know everyone else thinks its disgusting)
Any form of chaalia (my god all my bad habits are coming out)
Nestle Orange Juice AND the Grape one too
That chocolate thing from Okra- Warm Chocolate Gateau. Hai allah that thing is sexual.
Oh oh and COCOMO. That’s should be number one though I am officially addicted to it.
5 things I would do with a 100 million-
I would run around naked in it.
YAAR I don’t know man ill buy stuff(?)
5 places I would run away to-
Er, im happiest in my room. Or at G’s house, which is well my second house anyway. Other than that, i wouldn’t run away anywhere because I like familiarity and so new random places scare me rather than thrill me.
5 things I would never wear-
Bras made out of coconuts. They must hurt.
5 tv shows-
The apprentice, that 70’s show, one tree hill, the practice, Law and Order.
5 greatest joys-
Some of my friends, parts of my family (who I often love but don’t like), the FUTURE dog that im going to get.
And yes and my music. Very very very very very important.
Damn I don’t have 5 joys even.
My blog can be joyful sometimes does that count?
5 favourite toys-
I was a big fan of polly pockets once. Barbie scared me.
5 people im tagging-
ermm… Blinside the Goldie and Sammish!
Why?
Well because everyone does it.
No one really tells you to shut the hell up on blogger :D
Ok now back to the questions-
5 years ago-
I was well, all of 12. Weird thing is, I have absolutely no idea what I was doing back then. Through old diary entries it seems I was going through my first ever crush, my first ever fight and my first ever makeup. It was a year of firsts I guess. Plus, it was before the bitterness and disillusionment had set in. I believed in things and people- oh and I think I believed in myself too.
1 year ago-
Ah ok at least I remember this time. I was ‘growing up’ faster than I should have been due to some stuff happening in the family sphere. Life changed dramatically, and I changed in order to adapt to it. Plus I had absolutely no idea what blogger was so life couldn’t have been that great either way :p
5 songs I know all the words to-
Wish you were here- Pink Floyd
Precious Illusions- Alanis Morisette
Warning Sign- Coldplay
Drops of Jupiter- Train
The blowers daughter- Damien Rice
Knocking on heavens door-Any bloody version
Oh and, I also know every Spice Girl and Backstreet Boy song by heart. It was the in thing back in 1999 ok. (I cant believe I just admitted that)
5 snacks-
Ginger Beer (yes I know everyone else thinks its disgusting)
Any form of chaalia (my god all my bad habits are coming out)
Nestle Orange Juice AND the Grape one too
That chocolate thing from Okra- Warm Chocolate Gateau. Hai allah that thing is sexual.
Oh oh and COCOMO. That’s should be number one though I am officially addicted to it.
5 things I would do with a 100 million-
I would run around naked in it.
YAAR I don’t know man ill buy stuff(?)
5 places I would run away to-
Er, im happiest in my room. Or at G’s house, which is well my second house anyway. Other than that, i wouldn’t run away anywhere because I like familiarity and so new random places scare me rather than thrill me.
5 things I would never wear-
Bras made out of coconuts. They must hurt.
5 tv shows-
The apprentice, that 70’s show, one tree hill, the practice, Law and Order.
5 greatest joys-
Some of my friends, parts of my family (who I often love but don’t like), the FUTURE dog that im going to get.
And yes and my music. Very very very very very important.
Damn I don’t have 5 joys even.
My blog can be joyful sometimes does that count?
5 favourite toys-
I was a big fan of polly pockets once. Barbie scared me.
5 people im tagging-
ermm… Blinside the Goldie and Sammish!
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
stuck in the moment
Eyes blurry, head heavy, mind floating somewhere between hopelessness and despair.
Open up Sat book, might as well try to study in order to take my mind off things.
Essay topic (yes they have essays now) - What motivates people to change?
Answer-
The obvious answer to your incredibly anal question, would be of unhappiness with ones current situation. I mean, common sense would lead you to believe that if you don’t like who you are you twist and turn yourself around to become someone who is relatively better, relatively closer to an ideal image you hold in your eyes. At some point, you need to stop wanting to become a model citizen and actually become that person. Unless though, you’re a raging masochist and feel that your spotted personality gives way to all that is melancholic in your life and therefore all that is precious. Or, you could also be one of those people who people have pigeon holed to fit a certain image that those around you hold of you at their own convenience and your just so used to fitting their designated role that your really quite unsure of who you are without their direction. And if, you do somehow manage to get out of their grasp, you’re left flailing about like a goat on bakra eid who just met its bloody demise at the hand of the ruthless guy with the white shalwar kameez sprinkled with the blood of many who have fallen before you.
See the problem is Mr. Sat, that in the words of dear old Alanis, I know who im not but I don’t know who I am. I was a firm believer that canceling out the wrong choices is just as good as ticking the right one, the process of elimination was a good friend of mine. But seeing that ive cancelled out all of my choices, im left with nothing.
Clarity is a bitch, but when it doesn’t come with a solution it just turns your head and leaves you empty handed and red eyed.
That’s when it becomes an undeniable bitch.
Open up Sat book, might as well try to study in order to take my mind off things.
Essay topic (yes they have essays now) - What motivates people to change?
Answer-
The obvious answer to your incredibly anal question, would be of unhappiness with ones current situation. I mean, common sense would lead you to believe that if you don’t like who you are you twist and turn yourself around to become someone who is relatively better, relatively closer to an ideal image you hold in your eyes. At some point, you need to stop wanting to become a model citizen and actually become that person. Unless though, you’re a raging masochist and feel that your spotted personality gives way to all that is melancholic in your life and therefore all that is precious. Or, you could also be one of those people who people have pigeon holed to fit a certain image that those around you hold of you at their own convenience and your just so used to fitting their designated role that your really quite unsure of who you are without their direction. And if, you do somehow manage to get out of their grasp, you’re left flailing about like a goat on bakra eid who just met its bloody demise at the hand of the ruthless guy with the white shalwar kameez sprinkled with the blood of many who have fallen before you.
See the problem is Mr. Sat, that in the words of dear old Alanis, I know who im not but I don’t know who I am. I was a firm believer that canceling out the wrong choices is just as good as ticking the right one, the process of elimination was a good friend of mine. But seeing that ive cancelled out all of my choices, im left with nothing.
Clarity is a bitch, but when it doesn’t come with a solution it just turns your head and leaves you empty handed and red eyed.
That’s when it becomes an undeniable bitch.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Jis ki biwi moteee,
Fat clouds circle above a small room in which a girl sits typing away on her antique computer. She wants to watch TV, but her maid has other plans. Lawaris is coming, and there was no way the person who saved up all her Eidi and birthday money to buy that very TV was going to come in between her and the Big B.
Amitabh looks frighteningly decent in drag. Ugly Lehnga though. Plus very hairy stomach.
Normally, this scenario would bother me, mainly because today was my designated ‘lets-actually-do-something' day, and well I can’t really be productive when my maid (lets call her Stalin) is doing her Cleopatra poses on my bed.
But alas, I sit here, quietly, humming oasis to myself, I wouldn’t want the sound of my music to disturb her. I am, do I dare say it, content.
It all started out with a determined mind, but an even more determined friend. I had to sit and do an entire SAT diagnostic today, seeing that I had slacked of during the entire week. It was my punishment of sorts, my own internal set of checks and balances making amends for a weekend dedicated solely to nothing. So here I was, innocently punching numbers into my calculator mid sum and-
*tring tring* (my phone actually has a catchy sex and the city ring tone but I cant be bothered to type the entire thing out)
‘Yes?’ – My attempt at trying to seem busy
‘Oi come outside we are waiting’
‘But.. But... Im working’
‘Work later’
‘Ok’
What great self control, I amaze myself really, Im such a bloody strong willed person.
We went for tea and parathas. The steam from the doodh patti fogged up the windows, till the yellowredpink of the outside were just mere nuances of colour. We sang along to the Killers, and Pink Floyd, and Pearl Jam. We drenched a poor aunty by mistake by landing ourselves into a very deep puddle. We laughed when he made that infamous screw up that he’s made fifty million times before and still hasn’t wisened up to. We made memories and constructed infinite reasons for why this city, with its anal KESC (no light for 12 hours yesterday, TWELVE HOURS) sweltering heat, and ridiculously honryy ball scratching men-is home.
Amitabh looks frighteningly decent in drag. Ugly Lehnga though. Plus very hairy stomach.
Normally, this scenario would bother me, mainly because today was my designated ‘lets-actually-do-something' day, and well I can’t really be productive when my maid (lets call her Stalin) is doing her Cleopatra poses on my bed.
But alas, I sit here, quietly, humming oasis to myself, I wouldn’t want the sound of my music to disturb her. I am, do I dare say it, content.
It all started out with a determined mind, but an even more determined friend. I had to sit and do an entire SAT diagnostic today, seeing that I had slacked of during the entire week. It was my punishment of sorts, my own internal set of checks and balances making amends for a weekend dedicated solely to nothing. So here I was, innocently punching numbers into my calculator mid sum and-
*tring tring* (my phone actually has a catchy sex and the city ring tone but I cant be bothered to type the entire thing out)
‘Yes?’ – My attempt at trying to seem busy
‘Oi come outside we are waiting’
‘But.. But... Im working’
‘Work later’
‘Ok’
What great self control, I amaze myself really, Im such a bloody strong willed person.
We went for tea and parathas. The steam from the doodh patti fogged up the windows, till the yellowredpink of the outside were just mere nuances of colour. We sang along to the Killers, and Pink Floyd, and Pearl Jam. We drenched a poor aunty by mistake by landing ourselves into a very deep puddle. We laughed when he made that infamous screw up that he’s made fifty million times before and still hasn’t wisened up to. We made memories and constructed infinite reasons for why this city, with its anal KESC (no light for 12 hours yesterday, TWELVE HOURS) sweltering heat, and ridiculously honryy ball scratching men-is home.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Your lips move
but I can’t hear what you’re saying.
I can’t, or rather I choose not to. I have to exert every iota of self control to not retort, reply, or just merely shrug my shoulders- I need to show some force of flagrant disregard for all that your currently barking out. There has to be an end to this insanity, and it just kills me that I can’t aid that process at all. The funny things is, that we both realized that at one point, it reached such ludicrous levels of lunacy that we were actually on the brink of laughing, you were actually that absurd. Politics of any kind are just fodder for an idle mind, but politics born out of completely baseless accusations is what really gets to me.
She talks to him. Oh my god, she came with him. Wait is she leaving with him? My god are they together all the time? Thanks for not telling us about where you guys were. Why did you have to go to his place before, you could have come to mine. So now you guys make plans without telling us? This is what it’s come to hasn’t it? I can’t believe the two of them can act like that, everyone knows, a guy and a girl can never just be friends.
*the mindless drones nod in unison while the spewing bitch smiles*
I can’t, or rather I choose not to. I have to exert every iota of self control to not retort, reply, or just merely shrug my shoulders- I need to show some force of flagrant disregard for all that your currently barking out. There has to be an end to this insanity, and it just kills me that I can’t aid that process at all. The funny things is, that we both realized that at one point, it reached such ludicrous levels of lunacy that we were actually on the brink of laughing, you were actually that absurd. Politics of any kind are just fodder for an idle mind, but politics born out of completely baseless accusations is what really gets to me.
She talks to him. Oh my god, she came with him. Wait is she leaving with him? My god are they together all the time? Thanks for not telling us about where you guys were. Why did you have to go to his place before, you could have come to mine. So now you guys make plans without telling us? This is what it’s come to hasn’t it? I can’t believe the two of them can act like that, everyone knows, a guy and a girl can never just be friends.
*the mindless drones nod in unison while the spewing bitch smiles*
Friday, September 09, 2005
I just need a shoulder to cry on- im too hunched over to support myself.
I need someone to cry on my behalf- im all out of tears.
I need to be told everything’s going to be ok- I can’t lie to myself anymore.
I need someone to listen- I can’t talk to the walls anymore.
I need to make it all about me for just one moment, one moment I beg of you.
Please.
Then we can return to this semi detached existence, and ill never ever complain again.
I promise.
I need someone to cry on my behalf- im all out of tears.
I need to be told everything’s going to be ok- I can’t lie to myself anymore.
I need someone to listen- I can’t talk to the walls anymore.
I need to make it all about me for just one moment, one moment I beg of you.
Please.
Then we can return to this semi detached existence, and ill never ever complain again.
I promise.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
..to bad rubbish
Time and space fight for room in a world so over ridden with quickened footsteps and bated breath. Plastic hypothetical people guide life altering decisions and dotted white voices croon poetic fallacy into your ears. Eyes hurt, feels like every blink is met with thorns, piercing ever so slowly- every pause met with such resistance. Glass makes things clearer, but you kept on painting over everything I every said. Calligraphy that once held sacred verses now lay molded in some discarded attic boasting of nothing more than better yesterdays and unsure tomorrows. Your words, no matter how poetic, fall on deaf ears- no one is willing to spend their precious morsels of sanity on your gluttony. The twinkle in your eye has been given back to its rightful owners- the stars resent you for exploiting something they lent to you in such good faith. There are no more butterflies, no more awkward moments- your jarring beat has left my symphony forever.
Good riddance..
Good riddance..
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Freestyle and backstroke revisited
On the way back from driving a friend to the airport and seeing him off, the two of us had a long journey ahead of us, sans music, sans radio. It had been a long day, admist tears, emotional goodbye speeches, tense laughing fits at our ‘spot’ , and last minute embraces-we were all out of emotion. That last cheap ‘tusi jaa rahey ho?’ moment hardly got a grunt out of us.
Sipping our disposable cokes, all out of any form of nicotine, we start doing what we do best- talking shit.
‘So, howcome you didn’t cry when he left?’
‘Well firstly coz all the stupid girls crying were just trying to get some attention, they hardly ever spoke to the guy. Its his moment, not some random girls with runny eyeliner. And secondly, coz he wasn’t my best friend or anything. Ive known him since nursery true, but we never really bonded.’
‘Funny, I always thought you two were closer than that’
‘No no I mean, he was in my pool of friends- but not.. but not.. in the MIDDLE of my pool you know.’
‘Acha now it makes sense. So am I in the middle of your pool?’
‘Honey your wearing a frilly swimsuit and those ugly speedo sticky hair caps.’
‘I want floats too.’
'For survival purposes?'
'Nope for visual impact.'
‘Fine, take floats.’
‘So is he (names horrible fungus of a human being) in the middle of your pool?’
‘Are you fucking crazy? He dipped his feet and figured it was way too bloody cold.’
Sipping our disposable cokes, all out of any form of nicotine, we start doing what we do best- talking shit.
‘So, howcome you didn’t cry when he left?’
‘Well firstly coz all the stupid girls crying were just trying to get some attention, they hardly ever spoke to the guy. Its his moment, not some random girls with runny eyeliner. And secondly, coz he wasn’t my best friend or anything. Ive known him since nursery true, but we never really bonded.’
‘Funny, I always thought you two were closer than that’
‘No no I mean, he was in my pool of friends- but not.. but not.. in the MIDDLE of my pool you know.’
‘Acha now it makes sense. So am I in the middle of your pool?’
‘Honey your wearing a frilly swimsuit and those ugly speedo sticky hair caps.’
‘I want floats too.’
'For survival purposes?'
'Nope for visual impact.'
‘Fine, take floats.’
‘So is he (names horrible fungus of a human being) in the middle of your pool?’
‘Are you fucking crazy? He dipped his feet and figured it was way too bloody cold.’
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