stuck in the moment

Eyes blurry, head heavy, mind floating somewhere between hopelessness and despair.

Open up Sat book, might as well try to study in order to take my mind off things.

Essay topic (yes they have essays now) - What motivates people to change?

Answer-

The obvious answer to your incredibly anal question, would be of unhappiness with ones current situation. I mean, common sense would lead you to believe that if you don’t like who you are you twist and turn yourself around to become someone who is relatively better, relatively closer to an ideal image you hold in your eyes. At some point, you need to stop wanting to become a model citizen and actually become that person. Unless though, you’re a raging masochist and feel that your spotted personality gives way to all that is melancholic in your life and therefore all that is precious. Or, you could also be one of those people who people have pigeon holed to fit a certain image that those around you hold of you at their own convenience and your just so used to fitting their designated role that your really quite unsure of who you are without their direction. And if, you do somehow manage to get out of their grasp, you’re left flailing about like a goat on bakra eid who just met its bloody demise at the hand of the ruthless guy with the white shalwar kameez sprinkled with the blood of many who have fallen before you.

See the problem is Mr. Sat, that in the words of dear old Alanis, I know who im not but I don’t know who I am. I was a firm believer that canceling out the wrong choices is just as good as ticking the right one, the process of elimination was a good friend of mine. But seeing that ive cancelled out all of my choices, im left with nothing.

Clarity is a bitch, but when it doesn’t come with a solution it just turns your head and leaves you empty handed and red eyed.

That’s when it becomes an undeniable bitch.