It takes so little, to cause so very much that it’s almost scary. Here I sit, amongst books and pictures and the past, and all I can think about is the salt drop running down my right cheek. Glass beads catch hues of blue and pink, evidence of small tussles of rainbows in my eyes. There are crystallized thoughts, and efforts to blink and keep it all in, but it takes a quiver of your voice, a flash of your eyes and a nod of your head to open the flood gates. I knew I was weak, but I didn’t know just how much.
I do now.
I know that no matter how unbreakable I try to be you’ll see tears about half an hour after you start telling me how completely disappointing I am. Give me 15 minutes, and ill manage to choke them up, watch my face, and glare right back. I need that time, to be completely vulnerable, completely defenceless and completely small.
It’s funny; it’s been a great day. I felt like I had gotten so much done, I felt older, wiser, I actually liked me. I was laughing, I was getting through, and hell yes I had proved myself to anyone who had ever doubted me.
(‘You know how ive always told you how much everyone loves you and you used to smile that shocked smile of yours? In my head I was thinking- you don’t deserve it. That would take the smirk right out of your face’ that one hurt. It really truly hurt.)
10 comments:
the first para rocks. wat description!!!
i got some left over rocks to throw u know? just tell me who. :)
yes, it sucks, u think uve achieved so much, ur happy coz you're finally proud of yourself. more so coz you feel a certain few will be really proud of you and thats all u could be bothered about making them proud. but what do u get? them taking the piss out on u. bad timings.
hey switch on commenting for 'others'. As long as u have word verification on u wont get spam :) dont need ot close down other and anonymous (A)
not u toooo disco82~!
COMMENT VERIFICATION SUX!
aaargh!
who woulda combined rainbow and sweat?
:D
cheers to good days!
ps
i love that u paint such a graphic picture with ur words and yet keep it short and simple. u write smart.
bravo.
sonia- wow, thankyou :)
luci- good point.. im such a looser when it comes to all this techie stuff.. i eneded up enabling some thing that would make me have to validate every comment before it appeared. god knows what the hell im going :S
ms cow- aji its a tear drop not sweat.. but hehehehehhe.. damn i didnt even thing of sweat but hey whatever u want to interpret it as.. and thankyou for the compliment love:)
tuahhahauahau!
oopsie. it was right after my swim session.... i should have thought tears! (the chlorine was a tad OD'd my eyes were stinging like crazy) haye. vaise maybe i am not a pessimist after all. i see sweat not tears.
sahi hai.
oh and thats comment moderation. how PAGAL would u be to moderate every single comment that comes ur way!
hopeless. blogger is hopeless. come up with something funky, blogger! (like a way to stop spam without word verification)
lol lol lol, everyone sucks the first time girl, but thats coz u dont know, u have to use the stuff to know how it works! :) so u dont suck at it :)
Excellent, love it! » » »
Post a Comment