cool kids never had the time.

You know its been a good day when you cant remember where the time went. Suddenly, you look at the clock that hangs above your computer and realize that its almost six in the morning, and that you should probably be in bed if you want to see daylight the next day. So much worth writing about has happened, but I don’t want to, and I won’t- primarily because I can’t squeeze out words when they don’t exist in my head.

Things are back to normal in the weirdest of ways. ‘Normal’ of course implies a move back to the way things have been. ‘Normal’ however, doesn’t really mean a change towards the good, or an improvement in particular, but just an arrival into known territory. It might not be great, or incredibly desirable, but it is recognized.

And in that recognition I know how to behave and how to react. Where to smile and where to hurt and where to just shut myself away.

We had plans this summer, so many, mainly because it’s the last summer- the last time things are going to be the same before our lives are altered and the only permanence worth trusting will lie in the fact that things will be perpetually changing. But we haven’t done any of those things, we haven’t lived to the fullest, we haven’t made the most of every day.

But it’s ok, because being able to finally touch again after what seems like a decade of numbness is enough for now. I'm not happy, nor sad, im just comfortable.

In this moment and in this skin. In this time and in this place.

And perhaps that’s all we needed, the proof that what we could continue after things that caused us to come about in the first place had changed. We needed that faith in ourselves, that ability to believe that we were a little more than what we made ourselves out to be.
And it is in this truth, in the knowing that there is something worth leaving behind, that there is something that I will miss, that my contentment lies.

Because I can’t move on before resolving the past.

And I will change soon, I will leave and so will the rest of us and things will never be the same.

But we’ll know that there was a time where things weren’t easy but we knew how to deal with them because we were just so used to it by now.

And right now, at dawn, at the end of a day that’s just beginning-

-that’s enough.

For now.