A momentary suspension of disbelief.

And so it is, just, like you said it would be.

After an ok exam, with a sleep deprived body, but an artificially alert mind, we all landed up at G's (its what we do, he was sleeping, we pounced on him- the cycle continues). I depart on the best car ride of my life, with the two of them in the front, all of us scared by the thought of being caught by the cops. No license + banned substances + general stirke + angry mullahs = a bloody good yet scary time.From the random bouts of synchronized dancing, to the entire 'choontia' episode, to the whole conspiracy we came up with, Ive never laughed so hard, neither had I ever felt to comfortable as I did with the two of you.

Theres someone, who understands you more than I do.

Sometimes, when horrible things happen, and you realize, that you had been temporarily plungd into plundering darkness, you find that your hands are rendered useless after your eyes have been blinded by stupidity. That those who meant the world to you, are a lot more imperfect than you thought they were, that they did things in secrecy, is a terifying thought to embrace. And they hid, and hid, till one day a little monster named alcohol caused them to blurt things out that you wished you didn’t know, but also wish you had bothered noticing due to its sheer blatancy. It takes so little to make you feel so painfully stupid.

We all sat around, singing at the top of our voices, smiling for no rhyme or reason. She came and plopped herself on my legs, and we laughed about that time and that other time. He picked up his guitar, I hadnt hear him sing in so long. We all knew his song, we were the only ones who had heard it. I had never felt more complete in my life, surrounded by everyone, all of us packed into this one room, overlapping each other. The air was heavy with the smell of smoke, everything looked so perfect when it was hidden behind a sly smokescreen.

You are nothing to me, your words seem like tortured heiroglyphics spoken by a red eyed nobody stuck in some picture taken long ago which encompased three individuals, locked in a frame, broken by time and consequence. Drifting, floating, drowning into a pool of nothingness. I cant hear you, neither do i care about whatever the hell leaves your mouth. Im going to stop talking in cliched sentences, saying things i dont mean, repeating them when you dont listen. Neither am i going to go out of my way to be there for you, or hold you when your falling, this time, im going to let you collapse. Maybe the cold hard concrete will wake you up.

I reach home, crash on the bed after realizing ive been up for more than 24 hours, only to be woken up by S and Liz, and literally dragged out of bed. (No, seriously, one of them had my arms, the other my legs.) We landed up at H's and my mood picked up as soon as Imogen Heap's Hide and Seek was playing in his room. Seeing that we are the only two people whove heard this bloody song, we sang and sang till everyone else wanted to kill us. After arguing endlessly about which lyrics were right and which lyrics we randomly made up, we decided to shelve the entire endeavour and restorted to singing some old boy band ballad. We knew every word, every beat, every pause.

What kills me, is that you don’t even realize what the fuck you’ve done. You don’t even know what an impact your actions have made on people who always believed in you, always wanted the best for you, who thought that you were on the same wave length as they were, and who loved you for no apparent reason. Lines of what is considered right and wrong, the so called code, is all blurry now, one big black hole into which I slowly throw all the ashes of words once spoken, thoughts that once held significance, I love yous that once held meaning. There was a time where I thought that my life without you would not be a perfect circle, that you were all I needed. Fuck you. Fuck you.

And then, the absurd conversations with J in the middle of the night. The sorting out of our love lives hahaha. Thankgod both of them didn’t pick up. Its good that people sleep early in this town, otherwise both of us would have woken up to a bad hangover and two people who we had asked out the night before. Yuck.

Fuck you for once making me feel as special as you did. Fuck you for saying what you used to that made me adore you even more. Fuck you for lying to me for all these months. Fuck you for contradicting yourself. Fuck you for being so good at manipulating me. Fuck you for not being who I thought you were. Fuck you.

Tonight, was just another night. The five of us, trance music, cheap food, lame jokes. We got chased by dogs, he accidently hit my eyebrow (still numb from the peircing), danced along to that odd bhangra song, hid from his parents. I got screamed at for smoking too much, F forget the words of the song. G made his USUAL fuckups and got us lost. We jumped from one car to another. We ran out of money, I ran out of cigarrettes, you dropped me home and waited till I was inside.

I don’t know what to say to you the next time I see you, or the next time you call, because obviously what you did is to absolutely no significance in your mind. It WAS NOT ok. You cant rationalize this in anyway. You just cant. You were wrong.I cant look at you anymore.

Cheating on someone with their bestfriend. Smooth, so bloody fucking smooth.

Bastard.

Bitch.