Let me take some of the punches for you tonight
So I sit at 11-13 on a school night, and stare mindlessly at the glistening monitor. The radios on, their playing U2, and for a couple of minutes, I start to muse.
A smart person recently told me how im masked behind this mature cool demeanor, and soon im going to be so used to acting this way that it will eventually become who I am. Realizing the truth in his words, I agreed, but now in retrospect those same words bother me for some reason.
I don’t ask for help, at least I try not to. You won’t see me cry, you’ll never hear me whine. I won’t call you at four in the morning with boy trouble or parent troubles or any sort of issue or dilemma. Perhaps its because ive been that person at the other end of that line, the one who gets awoken from her first night of real deep sleep after days. Ive listened, ive consoled, ive handed you tissues when the salt tears burnt little holes in your red cheeks.
And ive hated it, ive hated every moment of it.
And so, I give of this air of acute independence mixed with indifference. Im a low maintenance friend, im an assuming daughter, and a generally seemingly emotionless individual.
But any person with a little bit of insight will realize that its near impossible to exist like that, moreover it’s incredibly exhausting. When I do need help, when im unable to stand by myself, I never get someone willing to hold me up, someone offering a helping hand.
Because the last time you did I slapped your hand away and told you that I was completely capable of walking by myself.
Ask me again?
Class photo tomorrow- and i look like a bloody lobster.
Lesson learnt : I don’t tan- I merely fry.
9 comments:
you must be a really strong person to not have depended on anyone. I sometimes admire people who can pull off the act of indifference and not be bothered much. With so many who are always in need of a shoulder around, it makes the indifferent ones look significant. and brave. and strong. and more people want to be friends with such people because usually, everyone needs someone they can turn upto. I'm sure if you look around, you'll find many people who owe you and are willing to be there. it's always nice to give people a chance. :)
p.s: i don't even get itsy bitsy bit of tan. (not that i need it :D)
onyl white ppl care abt tans. i thought bak in the pak its still gorey rang ka zamana?
fry away baby.
when you come to narnia, aka canada, you will never have to worry about being lobster-hued, ever again.
:P
as someone who has found it diffcult to lean on/open up to ppl..iv only recently discovered the thereputic benifits of venting (yes i wouldnt do it before because im proud/stubborn and quite slow that way)...
and the thing of it is that they wont ask again ... no one will and its not because they dont want to be there for you but because 'ur strong' theyll assume ur fine because u always have been but that does not mean that ur not allowed to be otherwise...once u start spilling, if u include them, they will be there to catch you ... (and its not something that you should feel guilty or too proud to do) ...
[not sure if this makes any sense ...or if its just senseless rambling on my part :P .. hope it helps]
Just muttering has muttered words of great wisdom and value. She's very right.
Now teh only question is, in try to be different, for a change, are you willing to become exactly what you've always fought not to become?
I think, for a change, you should.
Us anchors, need a little bit of support too from time time.
i want to remain like this...it's
just better this way.
I Smile..
n i keep smiling at da the stark similarity b/w thots.
"Im a low maintenance friend, im an assuming daughter, and a generally seemingly emotionless individual.."
"Because the last time you did I slapped your hand away and told you that I was completely capable of walking by myself."
"anchors" need anchorin at sum rare point of tym too..
trouble is.. who will tell our beloveds this?
who will convey these msgs wich radiate with an intensity wich is not recognized by da norm we exist arnd..
*sigh*
Ps. im doin a lotta sighing today... God help me. i shudnt.
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