amsterdam

I don’t know where this post is going to. I know and am fully aware of my happy happy mental state right now, but with the smoke comes temporary happiness that is empty at best. But hey, somethings always better than nothing right?

Theres an empty bowl of cereal sitting next to me, diet thank heavens is going blissfully. However the exercise part is well- non existent. Even though I promise myself everyday, my ass is just not willing to get itself in motion. I'm figuring let me atleast start loosing weight then ill get happy then perhaps spiral type scene and I start working out even?

Am I rambling?

Indeed I am.

The best friend told me today that im getting really edgy and restless. Now this scares me, because the best friend and me have a great understanding about only sitting down and having ‘the talk’ with each other if its really bad. Thus, we never fight or get serious, and it works out great because we have easy tension free best friend-ship. So now, when we are randomly sitting there and im half asleep she mentions this startling piece of information and im like wait nigga it must be bad otherwise she wouldn’t bother.

SO, moral of les story is that I need to find something to do. We discussed everything from interships to prostitution, and I had a problem with every bloody option. For example, interships require me waking up at 9 in the morning, and lets just say that well *blush* I wake up later than that. And well prostitution? Yeah im guessing the issue with that ones kind off obvious.

Khair, so anyway the disco has been deemed officially useless. And I agree, like today I woke up at around one, sat around for fifteen minutes, messaged E saying-

‘Dude, I woke up at one but theres nothing to do so im going back to sleep. Is that normal?’

And then I slept for a couple more hours till I was actually so completely awake that I was making imaginary circles with my toes under my blanket.

Moral of the story- I need something to bloody well do.

Do not tell me to go the gym. I will murder you- slowly and painfully.


But when I close my eyes I can only see miles of headlights, flashing out the distance.