Sad

Its 12-44 in the bloody morning
Got home at 11 from chachas birthday..he cant believe hes turning 39.."one more year in which i can chalao the 'im in my thirties' line"
heh
i like him.. and his wife is sweet to.. and the kid..damn the kid
i hate kids..really like i detest them. Iritating and nauseating and just yuck.

BUT this one
bloody brilliant.
Seems hes popped like a whole bottle of E and is on a constant high all the time.
Like Duncan Sheik sings "Im on a high on a high.."
Ha..am listening to that song right now
Haan so yes i sat and let him humour me. While i acted like the day of judgement was not only two days away and that the last thing i should be doing is sitting with some kid with a possible substance abuse problem.
So got home at all. And realised i had no nicotine in my system and no cancer sticks in the house. Was to late to go out. And now im facing major withdrawal symptoms..need to smoke need to smoke need to smoke.
I disgust myself.
And so i have used this as a nice little excuse for not being able to accomplish anything today. Its not my fault..my body is starved u see.. well anyway im having one of THOSE days again. You hate everyone and everything and just want to curl up and die and kill someone before you retire for the night. I cant open another book, make more notes, cram something in. Whatever happens on tuesday will happen. Its too late and way too out of my control.
I know that when i wake up tomorrow im so going to regret wasting a whole day and doing nothing. Everything seems different when your high on coke (trying to substitute caffeine for nicotine) and its really really late.
It not actually. I have this new habit of sleeping at around 5. I stop studying at about 4 and then watch two episodes of sex and the city (got the last season on dvd) and then wake up at around 2 in the afternoon. I work in weird ways
Sitting here and complaining to noone at 12-53 now. How sad am i ? Very sad i would figure

Very Very sad.