Finally.

This bloody page took a year to open up.
The one fucking source of venting that i have also turned against me.

Im incredibly exhausted by all that life throws at me. Someone up there thinks this is all funny. Lets just hit her hard with the various scum of the earth and see what happens. And just when i think that i can handle it, slowly but surely, small things trigger emotions that have pilled up through the days, months and weeks.

There are moments when everything is beautiful, and sometimes, even you feel beautiful. Someone says something or does something that makes you feel so special, so wanted, so cherished. In that stupid moment, you think you can do anything, solve the biggest problem, get over hurdles that you never dared to risk jumping over. These stupid little fantasies keep you going, the first thing you think about at night, the last thing you think about before going to bed. They substitute caffeine and nicotine. They are your high, and you seem to forget a life before them even existed. You begin to live in them, and reality seems so stale. Nothing can take that feeling away, its yours, and hell you want it. Your going to live in this self induced harmony forever and nothing, NOTHING is going to make it disapear.

Except for days like today.